Mental load: how to recognise when it becomes too much

Thinking about what needs to be done, anticipating the unexpected, organising and coordinating… Mental load is the often invisible cognitive effort of keeping track of tasks whilst also getting them done. It’s a natural part of our professional and personal lives, but it can become problematic when it builds up over time, leaving us with the feeling that we always have to be on high alert.

Invisible work

Mental load isn’t just about how many tasks need to be done. It also includes the ‘behind-the-scenes’ work involved in anticipating and planning them, and making sure they’re actually completed. Scientific research on the subject shows that this load is still unevenly distributed between women and men, with women more likely to take on the responsibility for planning and anticipating family-related tasks. A heavier mental load has been associated with higher levels of stress and lower levels of satisfaction with both life and relationships .

Mental load doesn’t just affect women or family life. Take, for example, work, studies, administrative tasks, finances, caring for a loved one, or social commitments… Any situation that requires us to juggle multiple responsibilities over a prolonged period can contribute to mental overload.

Mental load: what are the warning signs?

Busy periods are a normal part of everyday life. What should raise a red flag is when the pressure becomes prolonged and you no longer have enough time to properly rest and recover. Finding it hard to switch off, feeling increasingly irritable, struggling to concentrate, experiencing persistent fatigue or disrupted sleep, or a constant feeling of being overwhelmed are all signs that stress may be reaching an unhealthy level. The World Health Organization points out that excessive stress can contribute to sleep problems, difficulties with concentration and increased irritability . When it becomes chronic, stress can also contribute to the onset or worsening of health problems.

There is no precise threshold at which mental load becomes a health condition. What should raise concern is when it persists over time, if it’s accompanied by a feeling of losing control and, above all, if it begins to affect your everyday functioning.

A study of 322 mothers of young children provides some valuable insights . The researchers looked not only at how household tasks were shared, but also at everything that goes into making sure they actually get done: planning the shopping, anticipating the children’s needs, organising appointments, allocating tasks and checking that they’ve been completed. This mental load was shouldered more heavily by some women than by their partners. The mothers who took on the greatest share of this organisational burden also reported higher levels of stress and exhaustion, as well as several indicators of poorer mental health.

It’s not just about getting organised

When we feel overwhelmed, our first instinct is often to try to become more efficient with to-do lists, diaries, apps, schedules. These tools can certainly help, but they can only go so far. When the responsibility for anticipating and organising everything falls on one person, delegating a task doesn’t necessarily make the mental load disappear. True sharing means taking ownership of the responsibility from start to finish, not just the practical task itself. Take the weekly shop, for example. Sharing the task doesn’t just mean taking turns going to the supermarket. It also means knowing what you’re running low now, making the shopping list, thinking about meals and anticipating the ingredients you’re going to need.

So, how can you actually lighten the mental load?

Start by identifying everything that is constantly running through your mind. For a few days, jot down the tasks you need to anticipate, the decisions you have to make and the things you are worried about forgetting. This can help make the mental load more visible. The aim isn’t to create yet another list to manage, but to identify what’s taking up the most mental space and what could be simplified, pushed back or shared with others.

There are also simple ways to create more breathing space in everyday life. Rather than trying to do everything, focus on a few priorities, accept that some things can wait and let go of the pressure to do everything perfectly. For shared responsibilities, it’s important to set clear expectations – each person should take full ownership of a task, from planning and anticipating to getting it done, without relying on someone else to remind them, organise things or make sure it has been done.

And then there’s the importance of recovery. Make space for moments when nothing is expected of you, protect your sleep, stay active and nurture hobbies and social connections. This can all help restore balance, as moments like these help to ease tension and replenish the resources needed to cope with the demands of everyday life.

And remember – you don’t have to tackle everything alone. If some sources of overload cannot be eliminated, asking for support from those around you, drawing attention to how responsibilities are shared and seeking help from a professional can gradually make everyday life feel more manageable. The goal isn’t being able to control everything, but to no longer feel as though you have to think about everything, all the time.

Source : 

1. Review of the literature on domestic ‘mental labour’ and its consequences, Journal of Family Theory & Review, 2023.
2. World Health Organization (WHO), ‘Stress’, 30 March 2026.
3. Aviv E., Waizman Y., Kim E. et al., ‘Cognitive household labor: gender disparities and consequences for maternal mental health and wellbeing’, archives of Women’s Mental Health, published online on 1 July 2024.